After the biggest storm, the sun is beginning to rise. I am starting to see things clearer thus I am more hopeful. Still, I know it would be hardwork but nothing is impossible if I put my heart to it.
New work… New people… New challenges…
God is really Good.
Add comment January 9, 2009
Another year has passed and I will never forget the year that was. Funny coz I just saw a fireworks display from the window of my room. I used to be so excited and mesmerized like a kid by the changing forms and colors even as an adult but now though it made me smile; I felt pain in my heart. Pain that I feel is too much for me to bear. How I wish things are different. How I wish they are all here with me now. If only I can change things. If only I can make them stay. Why do people have to go through this pain? I don’t understand but I know GOD has reasons and He has a plan for everybody. A divine plan beyond what my mind and heart can comprehend. A journey that will test my heart, my body and my soul and no matter how many times I fall down, I know that He will always be there to pick me up and heal my wounds. For He will not give us burdens we can’t carry. All I have to do is ask for His guidance and keep my faith in Him. I know that what I am going through now is His way of calling my attention for I have a strayed, a wake up call to me to realize what His mission for me and the lessons He wants me to learn. I may not know what it is but I am sure after the storms and the clouds have cleared up, a rainbow will fill my heart with so much joy.
The day I learned that my father is diagnosed with cancer, I was so scared, not only for myself but for my father because I can’t bear seeing him go through pain and sufferings. Also for the family because Nanay just passed away last year. I don’t know how to give something I don’t have… I don’t know how to comfort my sister. I opted to take the burden and shield the two people I love so dearly from the hurt, the anxieties and the pain. I was hopeful but realistic. I was hoping Tatay can make it but I realized it will just prolong his pain. So I asked God if Tatay will go, please spare him the pain and take him in his sleep just like Nanay. I know that the day is drawing near so I made the most of my time left with Tatay. Sleep was never in my mind coz I fear that I might miss him in my sleep but no matter how hard I tried I still felt that the time was so short. I did things I never remember doing and saying to him and I am glad I did. I have said “sorry” for the things I have done and I have not done for him and Nanay. I have said “thank you” for everything. And more importantly I said “I love you” and kissed him in the forehead. That brought me back to my childhood. I was very vocal and proud to say I am my Nanay’s baby but I realized I was more of my Tatay’s baby. In his wake, I was so surprised to hear stories of how Tatay was so proud of me, from people whom I hardly know and have never met but they talk as if they know me so well.
Now, as a new year is coming I know that things will not be the same and easy but with family, friends and God, life will be better. And it will be a …
HAPPY NEW YEAR !
Add comment December 30, 2008
This is supposed to be the happiest day of the year, pinakahihintay ko (a child by heart). Not because of the gifts. Not because of the parties.
But because I can spend more time with my family.
Now, I fear that Christmas is here. That I am a day away from reliving the pain of missing the reason why I love Christmas, MY PARENTS.
But deep in my heart I know that I should be more than happy coz they are now with the very reason why we have Christmas. Its JESUS.
My only Christmas wish is that…
GOD WILL GIVE ME AND MY SISTER THE STRENGTH OF HEART, BODY AND FAITH TO FACE THE COMING DAYS…
AND THAT NANAY AND TATAY ARE SMILING DOWN AND WATCHING US FROM HEAVEN.
Christmas will never be the same again but I have to make everyday Christmas day.
How?
I really don’t know.
1 comment December 23, 2008
I am full of emotions right now…
I feel like crying. Crying that I should have done a year ago… a couple of months ago… a couple of days ago but I didn’t… I can’t… I opted not to…
But here I am now on the verge of drowning my heart, my mind and my soul with tears from losing my mom (my heart)… my work(my mind)… my dad (my soul)…
How can one move on with his life without his heart… his mind… his soul?
Please teach me…
I don’t know where to start…
Tell me which piece to pick up first…
Add comment December 22, 2008
Continue Reading Add comment April 10, 2006
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