Happy New Year?
Another year has passed and I will never forget the year that was. Funny coz I just saw a fireworks display from the window of my room. I used to be so excited and mesmerized like a kid by the changing forms and colors even as an adult but now though it made me smile; I felt pain in my heart. Pain that I feel is too much for me to bear. How I wish things are different. How I wish they are all here with me now. If only I can change things. If only I can make them stay. Why do people have to go through this pain? I don’t understand but I know GOD has reasons and He has a plan for everybody. A divine plan beyond what my mind and heart can comprehend. A journey that will test my heart, my body and my soul and no matter how many times I fall down, I know that He will always be there to pick me up and heal my wounds. For He will not give us burdens we can’t carry. All I have to do is ask for His guidance and keep my faith in Him. I know that what I am going through now is His way of calling my attention for I have a strayed, a wake up call to me to realize what His mission for me and the lessons He wants me to learn. I may not know what it is but I am sure after the storms and the clouds have cleared up, a rainbow will fill my heart with so much joy.
The day I learned that my father is diagnosed with cancer, I was so scared, not only for myself but for my father because I can’t bear seeing him go through pain and sufferings. Also for the family because Nanay just passed away last year. I don’t know how to give something I don’t have… I don’t know how to comfort my sister. I opted to take the burden and shield the two people I love so dearly from the hurt, the anxieties and the pain. I was hopeful but realistic. I was hoping Tatay can make it but I realized it will just prolong his pain. So I asked God if Tatay will go, please spare him the pain and take him in his sleep just like Nanay. I know that the day is drawing near so I made the most of my time left with Tatay. Sleep was never in my mind coz I fear that I might miss him in my sleep but no matter how hard I tried I still felt that the time was so short. I did things I never remember doing and saying to him and I am glad I did. I have said “sorry” for the things I have done and I have not done for him and Nanay. I have said “thank you” for everything. And more importantly I said “I love you” and kissed him in the forehead. That brought me back to my childhood. I was very vocal and proud to say I am my Nanay’s baby but I realized I was more of my Tatay’s baby. In his wake, I was so surprised to hear stories of how Tatay was so proud of me, from people whom I hardly know and have never met but they talk as if they know me so well.
Now, as a new year is coming I know that things will not be the same and easy but with family, friends and God, life will be better. And it will be a …
HAPPY NEW YEAR !
Add comment December 30th, 2008
